End of an era!

 

June 2020 has been one of the hardest months of my life for many reasons. The most important one of them was the passing of my dear Sandy. My constant companion since 2009; my most faithful friend and family member; my reason for coming home many times! 

I admit that I have simply been bursting into tears anytime I simply thought of her and hence this delayed post. I still do, but I can now write about it.....well, somewhat! Sandy made me a mother for the first time. I now had a fellow living being that depended on me to take care of her, walk her, feed her and bathe her. A member to include in grocery shopping lists and to talk about to everyone who would listen. Everyone knows how mothers cannot stop talking of their children, well, that was me too with Sandy. I moved houses for her and planned every day with her in mind, including visits to friends and family. Planned weekends ahead of time so that I could do more activities with her. When our second baby Dexy got added to the family, I was happy since Sandy now had company. Then the human babies came! 

Unfortunately, my time had to be divided between four babies now and there was little to go around. That is probably my biggest regret. While Sandy was always high in my priority, having fun was not always, as all young mothers would know. Now I wish I had had more time just being silly with both my babies. They are gone all of a sudden this year and the house is not the same. No barks and walks to worry about. We are still fostering a dog, thank goodness for that. But life is not the same without my two babies. I see her favourite treats that I never gave to other dogs since I cannot always find them and have to ration. I wish I was not saving them and just had given more to her when she could enjoy them. Regrets....guilt....stuff for mothers! It was early morning when she passed, but I was with her. I could not sleep and knew in my subconscious I think. She wanted me next to her and I sang her last good night song before she passed. Small consolations. While I can still not come to terms, I am glad she did not suffer long. I love you my baby........always be next to me.

Personal loss

Losing a pet is ranked as one of the worst personal crisis that one could face. This is also an often used excuse when people really do not want to add on an additional responsibility to their lives. 'Oh I can't deal with losing a pet, so I'd rather not have one'. Of course to me this is equivalent to saying I know I am going to die one day, so let me stop living now! While I know this to be true for all pets or even farm animals, anyone who knows me knows my partiality for dogs. I simply adore and am in awe of this absolutely faithful creation of God. There is no love as unconditional as theirs. There is no one else who would respect you as much without passing any judgement, ever. Who else joins you in your silly dances, rants and even sadness, adopting your mood to be theirs at any given moment? Who forgives you every time you make a mistake and picks up right where you left off? 2020 has been one of the worst years in my life because I already lost a cherished member of my family, Dexy. We found her on the streets of Doha in 2011, just at the start of summer. For anyone who might know this part of the world, you know that is a death sentence for any stray at 50 degree temperatures outside! Adding to this, she had a beautiful black coat, which will overheat in seconds in that kind of temperatures. She was checked by the vet and had a good bill of health and came home to be fostered until we found her a permanent home. Dexy never left until February this year for the last time. She was a very unique dog, kind of a therapy dog. I am yet to meet another dog who would even come close to her levels of patience and wonderful temperament. We have since fostered brat of puppies, many of whom have made her life miserable just by being their puppy selves and I have never seen her as much as tell them off politely! She was a rock of support to our other dog Sandy, who can be quite touchy although utterly adorable. Dexy just grew old, weaker in her last few months and one day collapsed. There was nothing more we could have done more except let her go peacefully. But like in all cases, I have been filled with regret.....could I have loved her even more? Could I have made her life more fun? Did I care enough for her? Did I make sure she knew how much I loved her and does she know how much I miss her now? The underlying reasons for such questions in my mind was the fact that my family expanded after they both arrived. My two daughters came and took up more of my time over the last decade, a problem all young families have to deal with - lack of time. Dexy, I love you and miss you like crazy. I am sorry for anything I may have done or not done. I say 2020 is one of the worst years because your sister Sandy is also very sick now and it looks like we are fighting a losing battle. Look over her as you always have, while I cling on to precious minutes with her. Your memory keeps me going.....