End of an era!

 

June 2020 has been one of the hardest months of my life for many reasons. The most important one of them was the passing of my dear Sandy. My constant companion since 2009; my most faithful friend and family member; my reason for coming home many times! 

I admit that I have simply been bursting into tears anytime I simply thought of her and hence this delayed post. I still do, but I can now write about it.....well, somewhat! Sandy made me a mother for the first time. I now had a fellow living being that depended on me to take care of her, walk her, feed her and bathe her. A member to include in grocery shopping lists and to talk about to everyone who would listen. Everyone knows how mothers cannot stop talking of their children, well, that was me too with Sandy. I moved houses for her and planned every day with her in mind, including visits to friends and family. Planned weekends ahead of time so that I could do more activities with her. When our second baby Dexy got added to the family, I was happy since Sandy now had company. Then the human babies came! 

Unfortunately, my time had to be divided between four babies now and there was little to go around. That is probably my biggest regret. While Sandy was always high in my priority, having fun was not always, as all young mothers would know. Now I wish I had had more time just being silly with both my babies. They are gone all of a sudden this year and the house is not the same. No barks and walks to worry about. We are still fostering a dog, thank goodness for that. But life is not the same without my two babies. I see her favourite treats that I never gave to other dogs since I cannot always find them and have to ration. I wish I was not saving them and just had given more to her when she could enjoy them. Regrets....guilt....stuff for mothers! It was early morning when she passed, but I was with her. I could not sleep and knew in my subconscious I think. She wanted me next to her and I sang her last good night song before she passed. Small consolations. While I can still not come to terms, I am glad she did not suffer long. I love you my baby........always be next to me.