End of an era!

 

June 2020 has been one of the hardest months of my life for many reasons. The most important one of them was the passing of my dear Sandy. My constant companion since 2009; my most faithful friend and family member; my reason for coming home many times! 

I admit that I have simply been bursting into tears anytime I simply thought of her and hence this delayed post. I still do, but I can now write about it.....well, somewhat! Sandy made me a mother for the first time. I now had a fellow living being that depended on me to take care of her, walk her, feed her and bathe her. A member to include in grocery shopping lists and to talk about to everyone who would listen. Everyone knows how mothers cannot stop talking of their children, well, that was me too with Sandy. I moved houses for her and planned every day with her in mind, including visits to friends and family. Planned weekends ahead of time so that I could do more activities with her. When our second baby Dexy got added to the family, I was happy since Sandy now had company. Then the human babies came! 

Unfortunately, my time had to be divided between four babies now and there was little to go around. That is probably my biggest regret. While Sandy was always high in my priority, having fun was not always, as all young mothers would know. Now I wish I had had more time just being silly with both my babies. They are gone all of a sudden this year and the house is not the same. No barks and walks to worry about. We are still fostering a dog, thank goodness for that. But life is not the same without my two babies. I see her favourite treats that I never gave to other dogs since I cannot always find them and have to ration. I wish I was not saving them and just had given more to her when she could enjoy them. Regrets....guilt....stuff for mothers! It was early morning when she passed, but I was with her. I could not sleep and knew in my subconscious I think. She wanted me next to her and I sang her last good night song before she passed. Small consolations. While I can still not come to terms, I am glad she did not suffer long. I love you my baby........always be next to me.

Personal loss

Losing a pet is ranked as one of the worst personal crisis that one could face. This is also an often used excuse when people really do not want to add on an additional responsibility to their lives. 'Oh I can't deal with losing a pet, so I'd rather not have one'. Of course to me this is equivalent to saying I know I am going to die one day, so let me stop living now! While I know this to be true for all pets or even farm animals, anyone who knows me knows my partiality for dogs. I simply adore and am in awe of this absolutely faithful creation of God. There is no love as unconditional as theirs. There is no one else who would respect you as much without passing any judgement, ever. Who else joins you in your silly dances, rants and even sadness, adopting your mood to be theirs at any given moment? Who forgives you every time you make a mistake and picks up right where you left off? 2020 has been one of the worst years in my life because I already lost a cherished member of my family, Dexy. We found her on the streets of Doha in 2011, just at the start of summer. For anyone who might know this part of the world, you know that is a death sentence for any stray at 50 degree temperatures outside! Adding to this, she had a beautiful black coat, which will overheat in seconds in that kind of temperatures. She was checked by the vet and had a good bill of health and came home to be fostered until we found her a permanent home. Dexy never left until February this year for the last time. She was a very unique dog, kind of a therapy dog. I am yet to meet another dog who would even come close to her levels of patience and wonderful temperament. We have since fostered brat of puppies, many of whom have made her life miserable just by being their puppy selves and I have never seen her as much as tell them off politely! She was a rock of support to our other dog Sandy, who can be quite touchy although utterly adorable. Dexy just grew old, weaker in her last few months and one day collapsed. There was nothing more we could have done more except let her go peacefully. But like in all cases, I have been filled with regret.....could I have loved her even more? Could I have made her life more fun? Did I care enough for her? Did I make sure she knew how much I loved her and does she know how much I miss her now? The underlying reasons for such questions in my mind was the fact that my family expanded after they both arrived. My two daughters came and took up more of my time over the last decade, a problem all young families have to deal with - lack of time. Dexy, I love you and miss you like crazy. I am sorry for anything I may have done or not done. I say 2020 is one of the worst years because your sister Sandy is also very sick now and it looks like we are fighting a losing battle. Look over her as you always have, while I cling on to precious minutes with her. Your memory keeps me going.....

Book readings for kids by a kid!

Parents, now more than ever, have a great need for good sites or videos that help children read or take an interest in books at least. There are too many videos for kids, however don't we all wish for less screen time already? Book readings mostly have been done by adults for kids. While this is still better than animations and regular videos, there is still a need for kids to feel more connected and enjoy the reading, which could be better achieved if done by another kid. Please find below one such site and do subscribe if you have kids who would enjoy such reading and discussions of very cute books or classics: Little Dragon Reader on YouTube. Videos are now being updated daily and I hope parents and kids find this useful as well as entertaining. Enjoy!

Cross stitch project

I first learnt cross stitch 23 years ago! A dear and talented aunt taught an enthusiastic 15 year old me then. I cannot claim that I have done much with this skill since, but hasn't Coronavirus made the impossible possible by giving us all a bit of extra time and motivation?! What do you think?

It is more complex than the simple patterns that I had learnt and I had a great time. The bonus is my daughter has also learnt about cross stitch now and made quite a few stitches and memories in this project :)

Grateful

Last year in April I rescued a dog near my daughter's school. In Qatar, I have seen many dogs on the streets, lost and running around and have managed to rescue whenever I could manage to catch them. This was a little difficult and after following her through many streets, finally caught up with her and with help from few others managed to get her into the car. From there she went straight to the vet and got a clean bill of health. Now I boarded her at the vet for a few days while I actively posted her case, looking for a foster or a good permanent home if she might be that lucky.

I also asked a couple of neighbours if they would be able to foster short term until I had a better solution as boarding at vets is quite an expensive affair. One of my neighbours who was barely an acquaintance said he would think about it. Now he was a newly separated, single parent with two young kids and I was mildly surprised when he messaged me the next day saying he will give it a shot. A first time experience for the family, but they handled the new responsibility very well. The kids were wonderful as well and easily settled into the routine of additional responsibilities. The dog, now named Pepper due to the colour of her fur, settled in well and was happy with all the kids and families always around her in our compound. It was much later that we discovered she was pregnant!

Although I can write a lot about Pepper, this post is more about my neighbour deservingly. In spite of all these challenges thrown his way, he never once complained. He was well within his right to ask me to remove the dog from his care as he did not sign up for this. He surely was not equipped in terms of experience and resources to handle a dog and her new born pups, but he did not hold me responsible for any of this. When the pups arrived in June, it was night and we both were with Pepper. She delivered three beautiful, healthy pups.

We lost one pup due to unknown reasons the next day and he handled that simply with a prayer and burial in his yard. Pepper started developing behaviour issues and chewed on furniture, gates and doors. She was always an escape artist and had to be caught and brought back many times. While I was informed, he never gave up on her. He found a home for a male pup and ended up keeping the female named Pearla, with him. At a certain point late last year he had decided to adopt them both! I was happy they had a good, loving and secure home.

This year threw more challenges at us with COVID and my neighbour faced the reality that he had to return to his home country. We tried our best to do everything needed to get the dogs to travel and go with the family, but the costs and processes were just so ridiculous that we had to drop the idea. By some luck and lots of hard work along with another great friend and founder of an organization that helped so many animals, we found a perfect home for Pearla in Canada. She is now in a foster home in Qatar, waiting to travel. Mom Pepper is fostered by another family, found by my neighbour. The story thus goes on, but this year has changed my neighbour from an acquaintance to a friend whom I respect very much.

His thoughtfulness in handling so many issues have continually amazed me. His personality that is so optimistic and relaxed has taught me much. Today he leaves with his family to his home country and they are in the airport as I type this post. I am going to genuinely miss him and his family. The world can do with more such positive, useful people and will be grateful for it.

Farewell my friend. Until we meet again.....

One or two?

For a while, a phase in life, all I did when I met fellow parents was try to ask them about the number of kids they had and if they were happy with this number. If I already knew how many kids they had, I had to know if they were happy with their decision. If they had one, I wanted to know if they wanted another and their opinion in the matter. All this was not because of my inquisitiveness in other people's matters let me assure you. I am quite a private person and appreciate decisions that people make for themselves. I do like the mantra 'mind your own business' and live by it. Why then did my personality undergo this sudden change for a while you may ask......well, I had a child and was not sure if I had to have one more!

For all practical purposes, I was done. I am an environmentalist who firmly believed that I did not need to populate this earth anymore. I had wanted to experience motherhood and I was quite happy with the one continuing experience. To plan yet another pregnancy, to face everything again, I had no interest in it. But my little girl, being a very friendly, talkative child, showed all signs of wanting a sibling.

So, I started asking people how they made the decision. I was not interested in people who just had more without a thought process or it being a conscious choice, but people who made a decision after deliberation had interesting thoughts. I did my own case studies on people who were only children to see if they were happy. I reflected back to my own childhood to imagine how my life would have been if I had not had a little brother to fight with, plan games with, scheme plots without my parent's knowledge and of course to generally take care of. I did not like the thought much. While I was still musing, my daughter helped us to decide by beginning to randomly adopt kids in school as her sibling! We had no choice and the decision was made for us.

Over the years there have been times when I have regretted this decision (gasp)! Of course it is extremely difficult to manage two kids, work, home and a million other things. Many times I wondered whatever possessed me to do it! How much easier it would have been if I only had to deal with one child who had been relatively easy to bring up in the early years in many ways.

To top it all, the second one we had fooled us initially by being a quiet, observant one. We thought we had a calm thinker. Boy! Were we in for the shock of our lives! Once she could move and grab things, we were punished and how! She did everything late this one, after she teased us for a while with worries and then did it better than her sibling or contemporaries! She was infinite times more active than her sister and had a mind of her own. Actually, I don't think she listens to her own mind most of the time and her actions are uncontrollable even by herself. She just can't seem to help it! She is the opposite of her sister in so many ways and it is hard to believe I am the common mother of these two kids.

Her sister has by now, over the years, admonished me for creating such a monster and tricking her when all she had asked for was a nice sibling. She expected me to take her back and bring another nicer one for a while, but soon understood this was not an option and was doomed for life. But slowly, somewhere down the line bonding started that lasted for more than five minutes. They could understand each other better and succeeded in making me the common enemy, a major step in sibling bonding.

Now with COVID-19 crisis and all of us forced into our home all the time, their bonding has also expanded. They fight and play all day long, especially since the little one is not old enough for school work yet. Their playtime has now have gone beyond structured games and is in full invention mode. Much like my own childhood (from ancient ages as they would say), anything they see is converted into something they could play with. Pillow forts are built and guarded throughout the day. Of course it is not doing much for the sanity of adults, but I am really glad to have two of them to keep each other entertained. As with most relationships, theirs is blossoming and this time had been a blessing to set up a strong foundation. Although my elder daughter answered in her school survey form "My sister is my biggest problem" for the question "how do you think we can improve your online learning experience", I know she would not have it any other way :)

Their personalities deserve posts of their own.

A woman as supreme leader?

The title said it all in this headlines yesterday: "Kim Jong Un's banished uncle may overtake his sister to rule over North Korea because he is a man". This is in this modern century, into the third decade of it! A banished, old uncle has a better chance of being the ruler next in line than a young, energetic and not banished, direct sister. Sad world indeed.

What can you expect when a great nation like United States of America has not yet produced a woman president? The conservative people even chose to vote for an African American, but not a woman! The lesser said about the current president the better......

Although not really interested in North Korea, I will keenly watch the news in coming weeks. As mother of two beautiful girls, what else do I have but hope!