Last week I was pondering over one of my schoolmates and the girl he seems to have married. I was not personally a good friend of his or anything, just more of an acquaintance. In my teenage opinion he was highly sophisticated, and way out of my league! Period. So far I have no justification for this assumption. When I saw his spouse through Facebook, I was quite surprised. She was a good, smart looking girl, but my teenage self would have assumed that he was out of her league too! She is a confident looking, down to earth kind of person (from what I can tell from the pic) much like I was and am! Trust me I have no regrets about how life turned out, since I think my husband is even better looking and the best thing that ever happened to me. On the other hand we are together today because he pursued me and it was not the other way around!
This brought me around to evaluating if my self-esteem was very low in high school. I searched Wikipedia on “Self-esteem” and found that there are various variations of the same. I think I was and am low in “self-worth” when it comes to certain things. I am generally happy with the way things work out. Don’t get me wrong, I am ambitious and self-motivated, but I am also content with things in a way and don’t wonder why God didn’t give me something better! It’s good because I save myself the heart ache of thinking I have been dealt with a bad hand and deserve better. At the same time I can’t help but wonder if I do evaluate myself lower than I should. DH always tells me that I should have more of an attitude or air when I speak and interact with others, because mostly I come across as a simpleton! Not been highly successful in changing that about myself, because I smile and start chatting nineteen to the dozen within seconds of meeting someone. Not much time in between to put on any airs :(
I watched the movie “You Again” few days ago by chance and it had a similar theme. It is all about people in high school (only girls in the movie!) and how they always have another girl whom they felt intimidated by, cheated by and they never forget the other person their whole life. Any chance meetings later on in life lead to comparisons and evaluations on the same mind set from years ago. Aren’t we all doing this now through social networking sites? I was never directly bullied by anyone, but I definitely had a lower self-worth in my school days, leading me to believe that some people were better than me.
On the other hand, I was popular in college, was elected twice to the student union and even had a lot of fan mails from juniors! I realised that people liked me and even looked up to me. I had to set an example at times. I have strongly come to believe that someone is always looking up to us as a role model, someone is always falling in love with our smile. So for every person you thought was superior to you or out of your league, there is another person who thinks that of you too and admires you maybe! Your smile is always making a difference to soemone else, so lets keep up all good thoughts and actions to set good examples.
Just somethings that I was pondering about….and if you were like me, I am sure you are proud of yourself today!